In the Waves of the Aftermath God Gave Me a Waverunner 11-17-11

Thursday, November 17, 2011

I had an experience tonight that I want to share with you. It relates to healing and recovery and restoring relationships. While in my sin I caused a lot of pain to my family. My heart was so hard I had no empathy. I was so selfish I couldn't see from anyone else's point of view. And I was so prideful I felt as if I deserved more. The reality was I had more than I deserved. Thankfully God has changed my heart and I have much more compassion and empathy.

When you betray your spouse the way I did there is going to be an aftermath to deal with. Although Kelley has forgiven me and we are doing well she still has days when she struggles with pain and the thoughts of what I had done. Tonight was one of those nights she was struggling. As men we tend to move past things quickly. Once it is over it is over and it is time for every one to move on. But God didn't wire women that way. My counselor said men are like lines and women are like circles. They will come back around to the pain from time to time.

When that happened tonight rather than react and accuse her of trying to punish me , which was how I had reacted before, God gave me the grace to listen and allow her to tell me about her hurts. I was able to hold her and let her cry and comfort her. Which is amazing because this is the same guy that would watch her cry and asked to be comforted and do nothing at all. So let me assure you it is God and not me. But I am grateful that God is allowing me to help heal the hurt I have caused in my wife. It is no picnic to listen to your wife recount some of the sins you committed that hurt her so badly. But it is part of the consequences of my actions. And although God did not deliver me from them He did deliver me from my self loathing thoughts and angry over reactions. God can take the thing you fear the most and make it less painful and use it to grow you. So far so good. Thanks JC!